okay, I just wrote a nice long entry and lost it all because the internet cable came out of the computer. This is the THIRD internet cable that has broken. Grrr.
So unfortunately, as I write this I am not in a happy mood. The bike accident has been the tip of the iceberg in terms of a mountain of distractions that have now caused me to be depressed. My biggest concern is that I have fallen behind in the training and that makes me sad. First it was the herniated disk that caused me to fall behind, and I had finally caught back up, only to be sidelined by the major bike crash last weekend. Ironically, I was getting in more workouts before the "official ironman training" began. I'd like to say that it is work that has caused the problem, and even though it has become a bit of an interferance most of it is due to the injuries. I guess I need to learn that something is always going to come up to prevent you from completing all hours of training on the schedule. I would love to have to not work and be able to focus more time on my training but I guess that's life for you.
Another factor in my rapid depression onset is the fact that T3 has become a social group with distinct cliques, just like high school. I've never been high on the popularity index, but I'm not a bad person. It bothers me that such petty, stupid things go on at our age. Granted there are a range of ages in the group, but we are all adults. There have been four factors that have caused me to not want to participate in the social aspect anymore, first one, xxxxxxxxxxxx, second, I've been the victim of malicious untrue gossip, third a female member intentionally did something incredibly bitchy to me, and fourth is the unintentional slighting in the bike accident. I won't go into more detail on that because I will sound petty and selfish but it's something that happened that weighs on my mind, and causes me not to feel the team aspect anymore. I don't have the desire to go to group social functions anymore and that makes me sad. There are people in the group that I really do like, and unfortunately for me I have no one to do the long rides or runs with. It sucks in all honesty. There I've said it, I've ranted, and gotten my feelings out. I'm really glad that I do have triathlon friends outside of the group, as I"m just not feelin the love if you know what I mean. The few of you in the group who do read this blog may feel insulted, and I do not mean to insult. Anyone who does bother to read this, obviously aren't the people who have contributed to my unhappiness, as those people don't read my blog. At least I don't think they do. Anyways, as petty as it is, it's all having a real affect on me and I want to document it in case I do write a book of my ironman experience. I thought only the hash house harriers had drama. Pshh was I wrong. Oh well, we are only human I suppose.
Speaking of being human, I've been thinking a lot about life, religion, evolution, the universe, etc.. lately. I feel like I'm going through a pre-mid life crisis. I feel young enough to not claim mid life. Hey...I'm not forty yet! :)
But honestly, I've been questioning everythng and wondering how people who do wrong can live with themselves. I'm not talking about piddly things like the soap opera I just wrote about, but things like ethnic cleansing, things like corporate CEO's cheating their employees, ruthless ponzi schemes that have left people penniless. There are too many of them to claim that they are all sociopaths, yet that is the only thing I can think of that would explain how they can do these things. I'm upset over the madoff and stanford money scandals, i"m upset over the greed that has put billions into their pockets, their families pockets, and into the CEO's pockets that have run their companies to the ground. Is there no justice in this world? and why is justice so important to me? I'm furious that Spansion (a company here in Austin) has just given a big raise to their executives that literally ran the company into the ground, and yet fired several thousand employees with NO SEVERANCE. How can they live with themselves??? I'm furious that most of them will not spend a day in jail. The one person I can somewhat admire is martha stewart, as she admitted to her guilt and served her time, what she did was wrong, but at least she copped up to it and took her punishment with dignity. It does bother me that she did this over only $250,000, which to her is pennies. The woman is worth millions to billions in dollars and yet, she's going to be a bitch and break the law over a measly $250,000 ?? Measly to her that is.... The amount of greed in this world astounds me. Why do I feel that all humans must be treated equally, that this land belongs to all of us, and that no one person deserves to be king? What gives a person the right to claim themselves a monarch? I will never bow to a king or queen or any royalty as to me we are all humans and all deserve equal respect. Does that sound marxist of me? I don't know, I'm starting to ramble, so I'll end this post now. I did meet a fascinating man last night and we had a wonderful intellectual conversation about all of this. It's nice to meet a stranger and be able to have these sort of conversations.
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A lot to comment. There is drama in every large group so T3 and HHH aren't alone. Cliques develop and it is difficult to deal with at times. As for the bad issues you mentioned, just remember that it all boils down to human nature leads to most people watching out for themselves and their interests at the cost or lack of concern of others. MOST PEOPLE. And as someone that was laid off from Spansion, I'm actually quite happy to not be in that environment anymore. I actually for those that are still working there because it isn't going to get any better.
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