A giant snag in my training plans

okay, I just wrote a nice long entry and lost it all because the internet cable came out of the computer. This is the THIRD internet cable that has broken. Grrr.

So unfortunately, as I write this I am not in a happy mood. The bike accident has been the tip of the iceberg in terms of a mountain of distractions that have now caused me to be depressed. My biggest concern is that I have fallen behind in the training and that makes me sad. First it was the herniated disk that caused me to fall behind, and I had finally caught back up, only to be sidelined by the major bike crash last weekend. Ironically, I was getting in more workouts before the "official ironman training" began. I'd like to say that it is work that has caused the problem, and even though it has become a bit of an interferance most of it is due to the injuries. I guess I need to learn that something is always going to come up to prevent you from completing all hours of training on the schedule. I would love to have to not work and be able to focus more time on my training but I guess that's life for you.

Another factor in my rapid depression onset is the fact that T3 has become a social group with distinct cliques, just like high school. I've never been high on the popularity index, but I'm not a bad person. It bothers me that such petty, stupid things go on at our age. Granted there are a range of ages in the group, but we are all adults. There have been four factors that have caused me to not want to participate in the social aspect anymore, first one, xxxxxxxxxxxx, second, I've been the victim of malicious untrue gossip, third a female member intentionally did something incredibly bitchy to me, and fourth is the unintentional slighting in the bike accident. I won't go into more detail on that because I will sound petty and selfish but it's something that happened that weighs on my mind, and causes me not to feel the team aspect anymore. I don't have the desire to go to group social functions anymore and that makes me sad. There are people in the group that I really do like, and unfortunately for me I have no one to do the long rides or runs with. It sucks in all honesty. There I've said it, I've ranted, and gotten my feelings out. I'm really glad that I do have triathlon friends outside of the group, as I"m just not feelin the love if you know what I mean. The few of you in the group who do read this blog may feel insulted, and I do not mean to insult. Anyone who does bother to read this, obviously aren't the people who have contributed to my unhappiness, as those people don't read my blog. At least I don't think they do. Anyways, as petty as it is, it's all having a real affect on me and I want to document it in case I do write a book of my ironman experience. I thought only the hash house harriers had drama. Pshh was I wrong. Oh well, we are only human I suppose.

Speaking of being human, I've been thinking a lot about life, religion, evolution, the universe, etc.. lately. I feel like I'm going through a pre-mid life crisis. I feel young enough to not claim mid life. Hey...I'm not forty yet! :)

But honestly, I've been questioning everythng and wondering how people who do wrong can live with themselves. I'm not talking about piddly things like the soap opera I just wrote about, but things like ethnic cleansing, things like corporate CEO's cheating their employees, ruthless ponzi schemes that have left people penniless. There are too many of them to claim that they are all sociopaths, yet that is the only thing I can think of that would explain how they can do these things. I'm upset over the madoff and stanford money scandals, i"m upset over the greed that has put billions into their pockets, their families pockets, and into the CEO's pockets that have run their companies to the ground. Is there no justice in this world? and why is justice so important to me? I'm furious that Spansion (a company here in Austin) has just given a big raise to their executives that literally ran the company into the ground, and yet fired several thousand employees with NO SEVERANCE. How can they live with themselves??? I'm furious that most of them will not spend a day in jail. The one person I can somewhat admire is martha stewart, as she admitted to her guilt and served her time, what she did was wrong, but at least she copped up to it and took her punishment with dignity. It does bother me that she did this over only $250,000, which to her is pennies. The woman is worth millions to billions in dollars and yet, she's going to be a bitch and break the law over a measly $250,000 ?? Measly to her that is.... The amount of greed in this world astounds me. Why do I feel that all humans must be treated equally, that this land belongs to all of us, and that no one person deserves to be king? What gives a person the right to claim themselves a monarch? I will never bow to a king or queen or any royalty as to me we are all humans and all deserve equal respect. Does that sound marxist of me? I don't know, I'm starting to ramble, so I'll end this post now. I did meet a fascinating man last night and we had a wonderful intellectual conversation about all of this. It's nice to meet a stranger and be able to have these sort of conversations.

The Bike Crash and recuperation

okay, I guess I should explain what happened. I had a very serious bike crash this past Saturday. We were scheduled to do a 70 mile ride and a 45 minute run. The route was a 43 mile loop of the manor/elgin backroads aka "The Rosedale Ride", and then a 28 mile loop. I started an hour early as I knew it was going to be a loooong ride. First of all, it is verrry windy out there on that particular route. I did the 72 mile Rosedale Ride a few years ago, and I have to say it was one of the most miserable rides of my life. So, I was prepared for it to take a while. Plus there was rain in the forecast. Several of us started together at 7am. The group was a group that I usually ride with, but a certain someone decided to drop the bomb and go all out at the beginning and thus the pack followed and I fell behind. Actually two of us fell behind. I ended up riding with a nice girl named Diana, who I hadn't met before. She had a road bike vs. a tri-bike and I could see she was having to work harder on the hills. Anyways, it was nice to have her to ride with. When we finished the 43 mile loop the rest of the pack had all put up their bikes and were about to start their run. They all wimped out and decided not to do the 28 mile loop. Granted it had rained a teeny bit, but the wind hadn't even picked up at that point. Diana didn't want to do the second loop so I left to do it on my own. As I was heading out on the second loop, that's when the wind decided to pick up. I passed all the T3'ers who were coming in from their first loop (they had started later than us), and eventually I was back out in the middle of nowhere by myself. The roads were in extremely bad condition. It was dry at this point and I was on a road called Melber, and was going really fast on a downhill when I hit this earthquake like crack in the road. I lost control of the bike, and had a major crash smack in the middle of the road.
I don't remember a car coming, however, when I came to my senses a couple had rushed out of their car to help me. Everything was blurry and I was crying. It's almost as if I was watching someone else. I don't know why I was crying, it's hard to explain, but it felt like someone else just took possession of my body and I was just shoved to the side. Anyways, they called an ambulance, and it took them several minutes to get out there, as it was literally in the middle of nowhere. The nice couple took my bike for me, and gave me their number to call and pick it up. I ended up having another T3'er who lives out there pick it up for me. So, I haven't had a chance to check it out yet and see the damage, although Chrissie says it doesn't look bad. I'm going to have to take it in the bike shop and get it looked over. Obviously, I got the brunt of the damage.
Apparently, when my friend went to pick up the bike, they got angry at him because I was riding alone. Even when I'm riding with the group, I always end up by myself for a great portion of the bike. No one rides at the same speed as me, and I'm inbetween groups. I'm faster than the slower folks, but slower than the faster folks. Maurice actually scolded me for riding by myself. Hello!!!! I'm going to be by myself during the ironman anyways. I can't help it if everyone else is either too fast or too slow for me, or if they wimp out and decide not to do the ride. I really wanted to do the ride, as I had not done my 60 miler the weekend before, so I really felt that I needed to get the miles in. I took Monday off, worked from home Tuesday , and went back into the office today. God, I hate how people stare at me. My face is still black and blue and swollen, and I just know that everyone is thinking that some boyfriend beat the shit out of me. It's funny, some people will come outright and ask what happened whereas others won't because they feel they are prying if they do, or are afraid of what the answer will be.

Bike Crash

A picture speaks a thousand words!

Herniated disk

Yep, it's true, I have a herniated disk in my C5 and C7 spine. I went to the pain doctor today and told him that I did not want to do the epidural. Quite honestly, the steroid shots have worked, and the pain is almost completely gone. I ran the half marathon yesterday, and did my best time ever and the shoulder didn't hurt at all. I was running a 9:43 per mile pace for the first 9 1/2 miles, then slowed down a little on the hills. God, those hills were brutal! The weather was awesome. Nice and cold :) The doctor went over the MRI with me, and he is referring me to not one, not two, but THREE different doctors. He wants me to get a second opinion from a spine doctor, then he wants me to get a nerve test on my left arm, as the fingers are numb and he wants to see if this is permanent damage (God I hope not), and then to a new (this will be my third) physical therapist, who just happens to be out of network! Geez, I've spent so much money on medical issues in the past few months. First the tooth implant, and now this. I'm getting my temporary crown next week. He better do a good job of putting it in, as last time, my temporary tooth kept falling out and I was having to go in every day for him to re-attach it. This one I'm wearing now, has lasted since before Christmas. Can you tell I'm getting old? and I haven't even reached 40 yet!!

Just when I finally feel beautiful and secure of myself, my body starts to break down. ....

Feeling Guilty

I had a nice B-day happy hour on Friday. Dream man even showed up! I honestly did not think he would come and he didn't RSVP. What a nice B-day surprise!! There's hope yet. We were at a place called house wine. It's this really old little house that they converted to a wine bar. It's really cool. I didn't drink a whole lot as I had the intention of getting up early to do the 60 mile bike ride. I was going to ride with Alison at 9 instead of with the group, and she called to tell me she couldn't ride in time for me to still make the group ride, and what do I do? I go back to sleep. Now, I"m feeling super guilty. I'm running the half marathon tomorrow. Should be interesting to see what my time will be. It's going to be cold, at least for the beginning of the race, so hopefully my shoulder won't flare up or my knees. It would have been ideal had I done the 60 mile ride today, as it would give me a good idea of what my half ironman times would be for the run and the bike. Oh well, it did feel good to sleep in though :)

Oh, and I fully intend to go swim in Barton Springs after the run. Then off to help lay my hash trail for the hash house harriers.

I think the back is actually healing!

Yes, I can now make it through running and spin and the pain isn't that bad. I notice it most now when I am sleeping. The arm is getting better too. I didn't really have any issues in the aero bars on the bike tonight. I went in to the pain doctor for a follow up and they want me to get an epidural shot in my spine. I think that is a little drastic and am going to ask for another round of trigger point injections instead. Also, I found out that my co-pay for the epidural shot is $650.00. That is a little extreme as well.

slowly healing

I went and got the steroid shots in my back this week, and I also got a massage on Saturday, and I have to say it has helped. The pain is still there, but at least now it is bearable. I managed to get my 10 mile run in today and then went and swam in Barton Springs in my new wetsuit. It felt great. Did about 30 miles on the bike on Saturday, before the shoulder started flaring up. Well, I'm turning 39 this week, Ugh!!! I've been putting off making plans because I'm not excited about turning 39. Each day, I'm inching towards 40 and that scares me. I never really felt old, or even felt that I looked old, until I saw the T3 picture book they took for the Ironman CDA participants. Major Crows feet, around my eyes. Plus the roots of my hair are showing. I"m getting grey hair now so I dye it a reddish color.

I went to Church today. First time I've gone in a few years, and the sermon was on being single, and how it can be a good thing. It really did make me feel better. There is nothing wrong with me because I am single. Actually, I think it's good that I'm single, as I've dated a lot of real jerks this year, and I'm just plain tired of it. The only reason I'm mentioning this, is that I had a date on Saturday night, who again, asked the question of why I haven't been married yet, thus making me feel old. I've decided that I am not going to date anymore until I meet my dream guy. I have an image of him in my head, and that's that. Should save me from a lot of pain and frustration. I think that most people that I know that are married or have been married are not happy, and with the high divorce rate, I should be proud. Well, I don't have anything enlightening to say and I"m tired, so goodnight. :)

The back pain issue

I've decided to switch to blogger from MS live as it seems I can do more here. Well, as you know from reading my previous blogs, I've been dealing with major back/neck/shoulder issues on my left side. It has affected my training. This past weekend was tough. I did the Dam loop ride on Saturday and it was painful. Bearable, but still painful, and I know I did not go as fast as I could have. Aside from the pain, it was a pretty good ride. (I only got honked at once)
Unfortunately, I only managed to run 4 miles on Sunday. I've attached a picture of the trail run that I decided to do with the Austin Hash. That was around 4 miles, and then I went to Lady Bird Lake to run more and the shoulder was just bothering me too much.

Today, I went and got trigger point injections in my back. It's still sore, and I decided to take the day off from working out. The pain is somewhat diminished, the true test will be to see how it feels when we do mile repeats tomorrow night. Swimming has been pretty good. I actually can't feel the pain when I swim. I'm going to try really really hard to get up and make the 5:30 am swim tomorrow morning. It's just so hard to get up at 5 am, and I have to have everything laid out and ready to go the night before, which if anyone knows me, knows that I do not like to organize or pack so it's tough. I'll let you know what happens!

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